You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
