I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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