i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
