What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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