dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
