He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
