remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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