Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
