fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
