I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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