Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
