I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
