No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
