when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
