Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
