Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
