So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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