I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize