I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
