Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
