it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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