and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
