i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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