corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's blow job season.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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