I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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