some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
