the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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