This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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