I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
