Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize