We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
