I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
