im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
