My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
