Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
