I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
