One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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