Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize