what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
