you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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