Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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