Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
