Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
