Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize