I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
