I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
