you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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