I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
