Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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