Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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