She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
