I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
