Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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