how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
