winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
