I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
