My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
