my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
