I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
