in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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