Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
