yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
