people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
