Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
