dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
