My sheets look like a crime scene.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
