I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
