i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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