just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
