just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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