i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
