dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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